Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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