He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
