I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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