the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
