Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
