I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
