At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
