ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
