On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
