i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
