I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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