Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
my poor anus
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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