Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
