I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
