I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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