you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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