Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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