I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
