If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize