p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
