and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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