is your mom at the bar?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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