we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
