Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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