just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
