My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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