Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
