Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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