dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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