I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
What a dumb baby whore.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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