He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize