she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
