White coat. Heels.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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