I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
