So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
