Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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