Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
