the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
