is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
