im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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