i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
