the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We need a shit load of segways right now
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
