why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
