I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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