Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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