Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize