youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
