So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
