dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
