two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
