life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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