I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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