My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
