I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
