What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
