My sheets look like a crime scene.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize