Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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