I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
