What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
