FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
