I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
