The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize