brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize