My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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