i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
