it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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