butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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