i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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