Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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