went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
