over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
