I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
