maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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