they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i think i just lost a toe
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