Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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