i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
