I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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